Perfectionists and Perspective Shifts

“Someone once asked me, ‘Why do you always insist on taking the hard road?’ I replied, ‘Why do you assume I see two roads?’” – Author Unknown Perfectionists will identify with this quote. We often see only one road. On this road, there is one valid way to move through the world – perfectly. Anything less is failure and is therefore unacceptable. Period. For those of us who travel this road, it can be challenging – to say the least – to shift perspectives. But if we don’t, we are stuck in a worldview that promotes feelings of failure, shame,

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Intentional Holidays: How to Build a Connected Intention

[This is from a talk I gave earlier this week for Eating Disorders Round Table, so it is longer than my usual articles.] I have two issues with New Year’s resolutions: the first is that it has become tradition for New Year’s resolutions to be about being “healthier” in some respect. And being “healthier” is usually code for “losing weight.” This is a time of year when people become even more focused on their bodies as problematic and in need of alteration. This focus is harmful in and of itself, and it generally sets people up to look for a

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Surviving Thanksgiving

For people who have a difficult relationship with food and/or their bodies, Thanksgiving can be a miserable nightmare of a holiday. It is a day completely centered around food and eating. For many people, these are pleasant or even pleasurable topics. However, for anyone dealing with disordered eating, these topics range from very uncomfortable to terrifying. Thoughts about food and weight are always front and center for a person with disordered eating. But in a very private way. For them, food and weight must be closely monitored and controlled or “the worst” could happen. Given these very high stakes, their

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An Overview: Life in Four Easy Steps

My blog is intended to be a bit of a How-To in living a meaningful and easier life. It addresses topics such as managing painful thoughts and emotions, increasing self-acceptance, and living with more intention. This article is an overview, compiled into four easy (you know, like “taking-home-Olympic-gold easy”) steps. If you’d like the more in-depth how-to’s, I invite you to look through my other articles. Step 1: Identify what really matters to you Get clear about what is important to you. What lights you up? What is worth fighting for? What is worth making peace with? What is worth

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Strategies for Intentional Days: The Mason Jar Challenge

Imagine a mason jar. The jar represents your day today. Next to it are a pile of big rocks, a pile of pebbles, and a pile of sand. The rocks represent the most important bits of your day, the pebbles are the medium important bits, and sand is the smaller, daily bits that generally get accomplished (e.g., brushing your teeth, cleaning up after dinner, scrolling through social media). The rocks, pebbles, and sand are whatever you decide to focus on or put effort into – they could be things like today’s work tasks, spending time with your partner, or cleaning

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The Code: Cracked

We think that the point is to pass the test or to overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don’t really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It’s just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy. – Pema Chodron For me, this quote is WISDOM. All capital letters. It is one of the foundational life Truths that I think everyone needs to know. It is something I still

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Choosing Focus to Impact Your Experience

In Don’t Believe Everything You Think, I talk about the idea that although you can’t control which thoughts enter your mind, you can choose which ones you focus on. Today I’m expanding on that: although you can’t control what happens in every moment of your life, you can choose what you focus on about each moment. This is perhaps the foundation for living life intentionally – being deliberate about your focus. It doesn’t always seem like it, but there are a multitude of ways to approach every moment, every situation, and every experience. It just depends on what you focus

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Stay Out of Other People’s Heads!

Some of us spend A LOT of time in other people’s heads, trying to figure out what the other person “really” thinks of us. Do they like us? Are they attracted to us? Do they think we’re smart? Do they think we’re annoying? We analyze their words, looks, intonation, and body language as clues to their thoughts about us. Sometimes the information in their heads about us feels so necessary for us to have that we spend more time in their heads, mind-guessing, than we do in ours, living intentionally. It’s natural to wonder what others think of us, but

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A Word about Worrying: Preparation

Worry: to allow one’s mind to dwell on potential future difficulty or troubles (i.e., pain). There are many ways to worry and many kinds of worriers. Today I’m addressing my people: the mental preparers. We are a vigilant and a disciplined people. We have decided that mental preparation is our best defense against potential pain. There are at least three types of mental preparers. A person can be more than one type: 1. Preparers who rehearse feeling pain. We prepare for potential pain by intentionally imagining, over and over, what it would feel like if the “worst” thing happened. We

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